Chattanooga Adventures

A Better Me

A better me...
  This is something I want to challenge myself to think about. Since February I have been working to become Jessica again. I do not want to go into detail about what I changed about myself since I already have a post about that. (The Last Eight Months)  I do however want to think about the positive change after those eight months. I have talked about in other post, how I get the positive comments of "you seem more happy" "this is you." etc. But I want to think about it for myself now.
   On a daily now I wake up in a better mood, because I did not go to bed crying the night before. I always found myself crying myself to sleep... I never really had an answer to why I did this other than thinking about things I knew could happen, and probably would happen if the opportunity came up. I no longer have to worry about the safety of another who constantly put themselves in danger. I am more thankful of how I was raised, and the love and support I get from everyone around me. I do not wake up wishing to not live in this house, or try and find way not to go home right away, because of the tension I was causing.
  I caused the tension with my family. My mom hated how I was acting, and could not stand the reason for this. I love my mom more than ever, she only wanted to protect me, and our relationship now is better than I think it has ever been. She new I had to find this out on my own, but she defiantly did not like me for the longest.
  I put one person before family, friends, and other who cared deeply about me. When it came to certain situation, I remember defending the person over someone who has known me since I was two. Actually, I think this happened about three times. I regret this more than anything. She never would have  done that to me, why did I do that to her? I was stuck! I was brain washed into this mean
mindset. I basically let someone control my emotions, play with them! I control me again!

  I asked some people who either saw me everyday, most days of the week, and someone who I basically cut off for their input and I want to share what they said!
~My friends who saw me everyday:
 "You didn't really smile or laugh as much but now you do.
 "Your stronger now because of the relationship because that person put you through hell and now you know what happiness truly is."
~My cousin who saw/ sees me most days out of the week:
 "You smile more, your friendlier, your more available, you are happier."
~Someone I cut off:
"You communicate more laugh and smile"

  I take these all to heart, and I am challenging myself to continue to grow as a better person, respect myself, and be me! I am still learning who I am, and I am determine to bounce back from this setback. I challenge myself to put be happy and thankful for my life, and the people in it. I can only grow! In about two week I will be twenty years old. I can not believe it! I am starting now to no longer wonder what if that never happened? and to no longer even think about it. I gave myself two weeks to be sad when it all went down, but I have spent way to much time on thinking about everything in all. It is time to completely move on, and destroy the little bit of wall still standing form this. Turning twenty is my day, my time, to start new, focus on me, and fully be me again, only better!
  I am now asking that no one refers to the past, or who was in it. I no longer want to think about it! I ask for positive thought, and comments always! :)

I want to end this post in more of a prayer like Bible verse/ thought
    Father, today I choose to let go of the past mistakes, failures and setbacks. I choose to set my eyes on you and move boldly into the good future you have prepared for me.
Philippians ch 3


 
 

Two Tattoos

I grew up with a father who had tattoos up and down his arms, and within the past 10 years my mom started getting tattoos as well! I can not count them all, but both parents have them! So, what was the chance that I would ever get one?
When I was younger I would tell myself I would never get one! Then came the day, I got a phone call while being at my dads for the weekend! "Jessica I have a surprise for you" is what I heard my mother say on the other side of the phone! Thinking this was something physically for me, I remember rushing into the living room at my dads house and saying "I'm ready to go home" (what a great thing to say to your dad when you only spend every other weekend with him!) I do not remember his exact expression, but I know he was shocked!
Fast forward to me arriving back at moms... As I run in the house asking "mom what is it? Show me, show me" as any kid would. She turned around,  and I saw this angle with my name above it, and my birthday below it! Now, long story short this was my moms second tattoo at the time, and I only remember feeling quite bummed but happy to see it! I thought it was cool that my mom had something dedicated to me. (BUT..it is a tattoo, and I was a kid, so I was still sort of bummed)
After all of those years of saying no, I believe that this is when I started to say "wow those are so cool" Now, I am 19, about to be 20 years old and have two tattoos myself! Tattoos to me are an amazing form of art! Some people hate tattoos, and say you are destroying your body, my granddaughter for instance, she finally saw my second tattoo this past Thursday and questioned me about it. She asked "why do you want to do that to your pretty body" then asked "how many more are you going to get"  Well, both of my tattoos have strong feelings, and meaning behind them. I got them to represent me. (Well one represents my mother and I)
So, my first tattoo, is four heart connected to create what seems to be a clover. My mom and I got these last November. (2015) Since I started to show more interest in getting a tattoo, she told me that if I found one I thought could be something we got together, she would get it with me. What better first tattoo than a mom and daughter tattoo? I search for about two months and came to find three that I really liked. We agreed on the hearts.
My second tattoo is symbols instead of a design. The symbols are: G>^v. **The last symbol is supposed to be a down arrow.** This stands for "God is greater than the highs and low." I found this online at a time earlier this year that was not ok for me. I had just gotten out of a horrible relationship, and started to see that I had lost who I am. I did things I am not proud of, and got pretty low. I let people change me, and make me feel, and act like someone totally different. After finding this tattoo, my life started make a turn around. I felt happier, and noticed I was becoming me again. I continued to think about these symbols, and what they meant to me, and on July 28, 2016 I went and got it! It is a great reminder, and is on my arm where I can see it all of time.

"Let everything you do be done in love. -1 Corinthians 16:14

College/ Questions/ Anxiety/ Friends

My current thoughts consist of starting college on Monday, why I have four English classes, and will I survive?
Monday: August 22, 2016 my first day of college. I'm supper nervous, because I don't know what to expect. I have a ton of questions running through my head!
 Will it be similar to those "OMG college" post?  Will I make those life long friends, or will it just be "see next time" type of friends? I honestly can not tell what I will be stepping into on my first day!
I also changed my major from Radilogy Tech, to Entertainment Media Production: Music Business Concentration. (Big name, and whole other ball park I know) I have gotten my schedule and I have four... yes four English classes! WHAT?? Will I actually survive this? Will my life be filled with constant essays and reports?  *What joy I actually do not have about this!* I have so many emotions about this part! I mean come on, can I at least get a math class? (I hate math)
All this anxiety, I just want it to be good/simple/fun. I don't know, is all three possible?
What in the world was the advisor thinking when placing me into these classes? Why me?

Other thoughts...
My best friends have gone off to university's and I miss them terribly! Two friends when to UTC, one went to Belmont, others are at UTK, APSU... and I'm at home! I guess good thing about VSCC is no classes on Friday, so that means weekend road trips to these places!
I balled my eyes out saying goodbye to specially three best friends, Manda, Kris, Jen! We spent our whole last two years together, and I am not ready for that to change! I need them!

I'm sure all of this will be fine, as I get into routine of school again. Until then, I have a busy, busy weekend, and I am excited to see what life has to offer!
Welcome to me!




"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13"

Something I Struggle With

One main thing I struggle with is school. I have never been the straight A student, with a 4.0 GPA, and ever since I can remember I went back a fourth with good grades and bad grades. I believe some of the issue was changing school so many times, and having different types of curriculum within the five different schools.
I started school at Goodpasture in Pre-K and stayed there until the third grade. Second grade is when I remember everything hitting the fan! My grades were the worlds worst, and no one wanted to help me at all. My parents begged for help, and even had me tested for ADHD and a learning disorder. They did this because the school actually told her there was something wrong with me.
After only a half year in the third grade my mom transferred me to Pioneer, where they tested my skill levels and put me back into the second grade for the remainder of the year. Being put back helped me tremendously. I started receiving the good grades, and everything went great until fifth grade. The school shut down, and I was moved yet again to a Catholic school, St.Pius.
Starting St.Pius I absolutely hated it! We had to go to church every morning, and I had a nun as teacher, and it all was just going wrong. I did not like the idea of not being catholic and going to a catholic school.
Even though I was hating school, I was still making good grades, and half way through sixth grade I actually started to like it and grow close to my 11 other classmates. The next two year I grew even more happy with this school, and when it come to the end of eighth grade, I did not want to leave and go to high school. I did not want to grow into a new school again.
Then came high school at Pope. Where I decided to go because all of my friends were going there, and it was the school to be in! Well, instead of growing to love it like St.Pius I grew to hate it! I personally hated it, it was not my mom this time. I found that my grades were as bad as third grade, and I was fighting for someone to help me with school. I would go to tutorials before and after school where I was told to ask if i had questions. I had no idea what I had questions on, because I got left so far behind. Figuring this out I chose to transfer schools once again.
I transferred to Father Ryan sophomore year, and I honestly can say that it was the best decision of my life. I found that the teachers at FR actually cared about their students, and wanted to help.I spent the rest of my high school years at FR, and now I attend Vol State.
Vol State seems to be very hopeful, and from what I can tell, they will help me as well.
I chose to talk about school, because it is something I have dealt with since day one, and I am that student who just can not wait to be done with school, but I have learned so much about myself just from each school.

"Those who trust in the Lord will find new strengths. -Isaiah 40:31"

***This post is not to hate on any of these schools, or try to change a persons thought of one, it is just my personal experience with each school I have attended:)***

10 Songs I Like Right Now

1. Sorry - Beyoncé
2. Don't Mind - Kent Jones
3. 7 Years - Lukas Graham
4. Sit Still, Look Pretty - Daya
5. H.O.L.Y - Florida Georgia Line
6. Tennessee Whiskey - Chris Stapleton
7. Really Really - Kevin Gates
8. Low Life - Future
9. One Dance - Drake
10. Noise - Kenny Cheney

Five Ways to In My Heart

• Show me your sense of humor

I like guys who have a sense of humor. Show me you’re not boring to be with, and you can go along with my jokes. Laugh with me.  Share your stories and thoughts with me.  Show me you’re an open minded person, effortlessly as breathing. Because I love to be with these kind of people. 

• Show me your respect

Show me your respect.  For me, respecting others who are also mean, being honest to them, because you’re respecting their feelings. I hate guys who don’t know how to be respectful, even with their parents. Be a true gentleman by showing your respect. 

• Show me your intelligence and talents

I don’t like a guy who acts like he doesn’t know anything. I want guys who look very intelligent and nice; he looks professional, something like he was aware of everything. Guys with a sporty attitude, is a major turn on with me. Express those talents! 

• Show me your sweetness and efforts

Someone who will sing to me late night until I fall asleep. Someone who will make a call at night to whisper “I love you”. Someone who will give me handmade presents, like drawings, scrapbooks, letters etc. Someone who will not always praise my physical appearance but rather what he loves about my personality. Someone who will tell me, “Let’s go to church” “Don’t forget to say sorry and thank you to God before you sleep”. Someone who will tell me to be a good girl with my parents and someone who will greet my parents very professional and nice.

• Show me you love God and you obey him.

A Christian who loves God and knows how to obey him, the guy who his family is also God believer.